Grief, Yea it Sucks Part 4- but actually, Happiness

Yea, so its been awhile since i’ve mentioned my grief, not because I don’t feel it. Its always there like some dark shadow waiting to pounce. However, I always seem to know where it is and keep it down. I have seen over the past 7–8 months that I’ve made great strides. I feel as happy as I’ve been since…well..before. I remember the feeling of joy, and have experienced it often. I feel my path is more clear and i understand more about what I want over the next 5, 10, 15 years. Much has changed since my initial grief posts:

1. I changed jobs. Still work in the media industry, but now for a much different business. Having a blast learning the new ways of working, thinking and working my way through a culture I still don’t quite understand. Will it last? I don’t know, but I’ll do what i can for the time I’m with them.
2. I moved north. From MD to CT. Maryland being the state that everyone drives through to get to DC. CT being the state that everyone drives through to go to NYC or Boston. But, they are beautiful, amazing states in their own right that don’t get enough credit. I’ve found CT to be open, friendly and so far, quite amazing.
3. I started dating. While I started the process before I moved, I went into higher gear in CT. Meeting many women, having some wonderful dates and some horrible experiences, and everything in between. To all of my dates, I would like to thank you. Thank you for allowing me to find my path, to understand who I am and where I am in life better. You’ve helped me understand where in my process I am. I apologize if I was a crap date, but you still meant something to me and I will forever be in all of your debt. So, again, thank you.
4. I have gotten more serious about someone. I don’t know where it’s going, or what it means, or if she’ll wake up tomorrow and say to herself, ‘what am I doing?’. What I can say is when I’m not with her, I miss her. When I am with her, I smile, I laugh and I want to listen to every word she says. She asks questions, many amazing questions, I answer best I can and she listens, and is deeply curious and soaks everything in with intense, piercing eyes, they are mesmerizing. She is kind, giving, demanding of herself and others, driven, grounded, deeply empathetic and curious…always curious. i find that the most amazing, endearing, beautiful? I don’t know the right word, but to me, curiosity is intelligence, curiosity is caring, curiosity is everything. So where it goes from here, who can know, but I’m here for it.

I’m still on the journey, but the journey gets more exciting and clearer with every turn. I feel like I have someone that I can start to enjoy mini-journeys with and share in life’s great adventure. Where it goes, I don’t know, but i can’t worry about that now, what I can do is be the best me I can be, for my children, for her, for my friends & family- and of course, for me.